I'll Never Tell Songtext

My claim to fame

Was to maim and to mangle

Vengeance was mine



But I'm out of the biz

The name I made I'll trade for his

The only trouble is...

I'll never tell



Xander:
She is the one

She's such wonderful fun

Such passion and grace



Warm in the night

When I'm right in her tight..

Embrace, tight embrace!



I'll never let her go

The love we've known can only grow

There's just one thing that - no

I'll never tell



Xander and Anya:

'Cause there's nothing to tell



Anya:

He snores



Xander:

She wheezes



Anya:

Say 'housework' and he freezes



Xander:

She eats these skeezy cheeses

That I can't describe



Anya:

I talk

He breezes



Xander:

She doesn't know what 'please' is



Anya:

His penis got diseases

From a Chumash tribe



Xander and Anya:

The vibe gets kind of scary



Xander:

Like she thinks I'm ordinary



Anya:

Like it's all just temporary



Xander:

Like her toes are kind of hairy



Xander and Anya:

But it's all very well

'Cause god knows, I'll never tell



Anya:

When things get rough, he

Just hides behind his Buffy

Now look - he's gettin' huffy

'Cause he knows that I know



Xander:

She clings

She's needy

She's also really greedy

She never --



Anya:

His eyes are beady



Xander:

This is my verse! Hello?

She --



(tempo changes, Anya dances)



Anya: (spoken)

Look at me! I'm dancin' - crazy!



(Xander joins in - dance break continues)



Xander and Anya:

You know



Xander:

You're quite the charmer



Anya:

My knight in armor



Xander:

You're the cutest of the Scoobies

With your lips as red as rubies

And your firm yet supple..

Tight embrace!



(dance break - fast then slow)



Anya:

He's swell



Xander:

She's sweller



Anya:

He'll always be my feller



Xander:

That's why I'll never tell her

That I'm petrified



Anya:

I've read this tale

There's wedding, then betrayal

I know that come the day

I'll want to run and hide



Anya and Xander:

I lied

I said it's easy

I've tried

But there's these fears I can't quell



Xander:

Is she looking

For a pot of gold?



Anya:

Will I look good

When I've gotten old?



Xander:

Will our lives become too stressful

If I'm never that successful?



Anya:

When I get so worn and wrinkly

That I look like David Brinkley?



Xander:

Am I crazy?



Anya:

Am I dreamin'?



Xander:

Am I marrying a demon?



Xander and Anya:

We could really raise the beam

In makin' marriage a hell

So thank god, I'll never tell

I swear that I'll never tell



Xander:

My lips are sealed



Anya:

I take the fifth



Xander:

Nothin' to see

Move it along



Xander and Anya:

I'll never...

Tell!