Suicide Note Songtext

[?]
Sellin' my soul for freedom is something I couldn't bear
But here we are in the thick of it, sittin' in a predicament
Where I love the hood, but the 'burbs is magnificent
Lookin' at uncle Tommy and trying to show him the differences
Tryin' to show him to love the people that love the blemishes
I remember I was a kid, it was so simple
And trying to get on the list, prayin' to Saint Nicholas
Trying to pinpoint the moment I lost my innocense
My first woman, my first stimulant
The vividness of it all is trickling down the walls of my memory
Now, the feeling's like an accessory
Painting pictures with words, was therapeutic at first
Now, I'm dependent on this beautiful curse
It's like, I need it more than I love it
The freedom of it, I covet
But when it's gone, I get sick to my stomach
I plummet, I vomit
I'm standing on top of a summit, something is coming
I wonder why I be running from it The gunners is gunnin'
The drummer's is drummin
The hunger is numbing, it's humming, it's ringing
It's singing my name
What am I becoming?
My mother, my brother, my sister, my nigga, my bitch
I love you all, but I'm jumping off of this cliff
Pour yo' nigga a fifth
Give my babies a kiss
Tell 'em I wasn't this, tell 'em I wasn't that
Make sure you tell 'em the facts
When I was working with scraps, started breaking my back
[Since?] slip through the cracks, nobody gave me a map
And I ain't follow no tracks, I just had to adapt
And whenever they see you bleeding, look at how they react
Fucking folks is profiting off of death
Auctioning off their souls and graveling for a check (yeah)
I just wanna' connect, they just wanna' collect
And that greed is something I ain't expect
Why you feel I'm a threat?
Is it this knife at your neck?
I'm just cutting the rope, you should show some respect
Let me open my chest, let it bleed on the wax
You can hope for the best
And we'll leave it at that (yeah)