The Massage Songtext

It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender Broken hearts everywhere Herpes inna hot tub you know they just don't care I can't take the smog, can't take the heat But I dig Pick 'n Save you know their prices can't be beat Dog crap in the front yard, Hibachi's in the back Junior's in the driveway with a Big Mac attack I tried to take lunch but I couldn't leave home 'cause the man from the car shop is shining my chrome Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge of the pool You shove me in and I'm gonna lose my cool It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender My son said Pops I don't want to go to class 'Cause I'm functionally illiterate but still I'll pass Life is a breeze, I'm gonna wax my skis Empty your pockets 'cause I need your keys You know what's funny? I'm gonna inherit all your money Now eat your brie before it gets too runny I'm not a slave, I dig new wave I'm gonna dance to the Go-Gos on your grave Don't push me unless you've got a lot 'Cause I'll sue you for everything you got It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender A kid is born with a whack on the butt If a boy right away then his penis is cut Then there's God up above and he's beaming down love 'Cept when he's frisky then he gives you a shove You grow up in the suburbs living first rate When your parents aren't home you get to stay up late The mall where you shop and your homegrown crop Make you feel sure you're gonna stay on top When your folks call you liar you'll aspire to get higher Maybe in frustration you'll go puncture a tire Driving Dad's car, spending twenties and tens Life is a all and you're up on the trends Don't push me 'cause I'm standing in line Here -- calm down -- have a sip of wine It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender You say I'm cool, I'm no fool But then you wind up applying to grad school Now you're working like mad, you're dressed up in plaid You drive to work in your very own Cad Your blanket's electric, your kid is dyslexic You save on the food 'cause your wife's anorexic You're a wheeler dealer, on the beach you're a peeler In the winter you're a gung-ho snowmobiler You've got a fine education, a fine cable station And every year you get a fine paid vacation You've gotten mature, you say "fer sure" You buy a fur and listen to your wife purr And when it's over, and you're dead of cancer They'll remember you fondly as a disco dancer It's plain to see that your life was full A little on the light side but not too dull And now you're buried six feet deep So open your eyes from a very long sleep You know you're gone and you wonder well What's it going to be, heaven or hell? But God's a guy who acts real sly He'll think up something weird just to give it a try God's a man with a plan who does what he can So you gotta have faith and try to understand Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge I've been reincarnated as a very small trimmed hedge It's like a party sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep myself so slender