The Trouble With Political Jokes Songtext

Most of my songs are either original or stolen If you didn't know that, pretty soon you will And most of my stories are augmented With a substance known as apocrofill You don't wanta use too much of it You might turn into a marketing executive Opened for a funk band up in Milwaukee Couple waitin for the band got a little bit talky I sang 20 minutes, they said this guy's funny I sang another 20, they said this guy's not funny Same guy, different minutes Guess when they realized I was serious They decided it wasn't funny In the pleasant city of Albuquerque Dude got pleasantly drunk and took me too seriously Knocked me on my tush In a redneck bar in Smyrna, Georgia Guy at the front table said lemme warn ya Don't say anything bad about George Bush That's the trouble with political jokes in this country They get elected On the Sunset Strip in the Comedy Store A glass of white wine I was sippin Waiting in line to play for free While totally unbeknownst to me One of the other 33 Was a fellow by the name of David Lippin They called him, I heard it wrong I got up to sing my song Put on my shades and tie, got nervous Said Lippin's been detained, I'm the singin' CIA agent at your service Got halfway through my parody Two bouncers bounded up to me Surrounded me with looks so stern Said I was clippin Lippin's turn Took me back behind the bar Examined all my ID cards The crowd was shoutin, let him play! We don't know what he's tryin to say But we like his tie and his ripped off songs And anyway, everyone else is boring! Standin on a stage in old Belgrade With my brother translating my jokes into Serbo-Croatian Some officials were afraid of my musical tirade So I got censored on the national TV station They said do you know any a-political songs? I said you mean like a hymn to human wrongs? In a cloistered convent in Alabama I was singin at a human rights-a-rama The nuns were in their eighties and fell asleep When they woke up they came up and said I was deep Deep slumber, I oughta bottle it They liked to go to see the governor and talk about justice The secretary would say look out, here come the nuns! Down the road to the missile theme park And we bullshat our way in For a NASA peaceful missile back-drop photo op Troop of boy scouts trooped in and looked confused I said hey, it's OK, I'm CIA They went away...way away Down in New Orleans where everythings fine There's a club in the French Quarter where you order wine Lots of wine, and the walls roll up to keep it cool But a heckler drove me to the brink At half-time I approached the bar I said that woman's had enough to drink Could you show her the door, I asked the bar's night manager He said she might get sore and besides, she's the day manager I always said there's no justice in this country Sometimes people complain a bit About the fact that I complain a bit Two guys came backstage one time on the road Big guys, each had his own area code Said hey guy, you write a lotta songs complaining About all the democracies we overthrew To defend democracy, don't you? How would you like it if we overthrew you? I said you must have mistaken me for Tracy Chapman But I knew what to do cause it happened before In the Southwest, by the stage door When that pleasant drunk I told you about before Wanted a crack at me For the cracks I was makin That he just couldn't see So I took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye But that's no way to forestall a fist on the fly And I knew that Later So later on up in South Dakota I gave those area codes a forlorn glance And took off my pants Man and woman sittin there front and center One was laughin, the other wishin they'd never entered After intermission sure enough, one empty seat When they both got home there must have been some heat Oh well, if you can't be home enjoying your own relationship At least you can be out there breakin up someone else's