To Learn Songtext

I've played a few games
Where no score could be fitting
But I'm learning when winning is
Just not worth the sport

And I've been so ashamed
That I've run like the wind
But I'm learning about giving up
And sparing the horse

When I've been cruel
I've taken up self hatred
Procrastinating pains
Of finally seeing myself

But when I looked on the truth
And it bloomed for all its patience
There was ugliness and shame
But there was
Something else
What can I say?
I'm learning to die
But I'm living to learn