You Can't Rap Songtext

Of all the possibilities I ever coulda chosen

Supposing career wise I'd picked hip hop

Imagine all the tip top rappers' bottom lips drop

Sittin there shocked that some other bloody shit hot

Dude with a mullet, bussin shorts wearing flip flops

Is spittin to a gathering lookin like a criss cross

Of fans lovin Prodigy, Kylie and Slipknot

Nearly coulda happened bruv, look at me I shit not

Little Elliot, rhymes for the hell-of-it
If only he was ghetto mans maybe we would sell-a-bit

I tried hard to dig up the credentials

Even thought about putting gold in my dentals

An Anglo-Saxon with a broken accent

But rapper's from Fulham get a strange reaction

So I said bye to rap, saw the issue at hand

Some guitar lessons later, formed my own band



Chorus



Attention Seeking - how far should a man go?

Cut his ear off like Vincent Van Gogh?

Dash cash to the crowd so the venue scrambles

Turn my good life into a Babyshambles?

Fuck myself up real properly, like Pete Doherty

Cover of Heat I'm hot property

Everybody's clockin' me I own the crowd

Now I gotta link me up with a Girls Aloud

Next exchange vows now my pops is proud

There's a nine on my cloud I'm as pleased -

As I ever been bro, mans flash like Jose Mourinho

Women crave me like bottles of Pinot

Now I've got big I can fight photographers

Bang the obvious, please biographers

Spend currency til there aint none left

And when I need more I'll fake my own death



Chorus



Right now it's just hit and miss, soon I'll taste a bit of bliss

Bangin chicks at worst with looks like Jayne Middlemiss

Never doin' hideous, it's too bad for busi-ness

I spin when they grin with skin like Darth Sidious

Never out-riddle this, you're all chattin gibberish

Verbal Diarrhoea so you're never getting rid of this

I hear your retorts there's All Sorts like liquorice

I can sense your bitterness, you wishin' you written this



Chorus